on lying: A Poem

 growing up
 my mother used to tell me
 during her more lucid moments
 of motherhood
 that people who lie often 
 lie enough that they believe themselves
 and I used to think that wasn’t true
 how could that be possible
 when surely
 we all live in the same reality?
 but the older I get
 the more I realize
 she was right
 and maybe in that strange way
 she knew herself
 the way we all eventually understand ourselves  

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finding: A Poem

 there’s the core
 and then there’s everything else
 a lot of pointless details and fluff
 that lead to nowhere
 and everywhere I am lost
 you bring me out of myself
 each and every moment that I’m with you
 and even when I’m not
 I’m starting to understand  
 you’re truly my better half
 but it feels like I’ve always known that
 on some level
 deep down
 buried beneath the unimportant fluff
 you’re always enough
 even when I’m drowning and my voice is cut off
 you see me
 and even when you don’t understand what you see
 not because you don’t want to
 but because you cannot
 you still love me
 you say you fall in love with me more
 each and every day
 and I believe you
 because I know the feeling
 but sometimes I feel sad thinking
 there was ever a day I could have loved you less
 because no one can love what one does not know
 but then I remember
 you’re my better half
 and somehow
 in a way that words cannot explain
 you were always there
 you’ve always made up the parts of me I love
 and now that we are one
 you are every part of me 

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weird: A Poem

 it’ weird 
 trying to explain
 how I can feel happy and depressed 
 all at once
 it’s like
 my feelings never learned to take turns
 I don’t feel one thing and then another
 there’s forever this cloud 
 of depression and anxiety 
 on top of everything
 covering how I’m meant to feel
 how I want to feel
 and that’s difficult to explain
 when you look me in the eyes and ask
 do I make you happy?
 the answer is yes
 I’m just depressed  

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driving crazy: A Poem

 remember that time we drove down the hill
 you behind the wheel 
 and me in your passenger’s seat?
 take the wheel
 and you closed your eyes
 while my sweaty palms took over
 both our lives in my hands
 in that moment
 I couldn’t have cared less if I lived or died
 neither could you
 but I cared for you
 and I was strangely happy making sure you lived 
 we don’t talk anymore
 and I suppose that’s my fault
 I pop pills now
 just like you
 but that’s no excuse
 I hope you never call
 some puzzles are just too hard to solve
 there are too many pieces scattered and lost  

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