I think I’m so angry now because I used to not understand the sin of wrath I thought god was the only exception like only his anger could be justified and now that I know better I have a lot of anger to feel to make up for many numb and submissive years
your frown turns mine upside down you insignificant little man
if you’re a woman who says it’s easier to have daughters than sons let me ask you something is it easier to teach a woman how not to be raped than to teach a man how to not rape? I suppose the most difficult medicine to swallow is one’s own pride and it doesn’t help if the rest of the world won’t help you and either way the loss of innocence is difficult to grieve but one of those situations only acknowledges one’s loss of innocence some mothers care more about their own healing than the healing of their daughters but in the end it feels like there’s nothing to fix if you can’t see what’s broken if you’re a woman who says it’s easier to have daughters than sons I hate you but probably not as much as you hate yourself
they profit off of everyone’s natural fear of death then heighten it to an unnatural degree
think of your body as a voodoo doll for me you need to take care of yourself so you can care for me
when I leave the question mark off of my question it’s more of a statement like I’m telling you to answer my question because I really need to know the answer is that aggressive? I guess I don’t care
make it stop make it stop make it stop the pills worked just long enough to give me hope to make me forget what it felt like to feel the way I’ve always felt and now I feel it like it’s the first time so fresh so rotten because it’s back after being years and moldy years of all I’ve known but I know better now and I want it to stop
sometimes I rewrite things to feel better make lists order them rearrange them cross things off to document my small success the laundry is finally done hooray it’s like I need to see it to believe it to stop thinking about it but half the time it doesn’t even work blessed are those who believe without seeing for they actually believe there’s a kingdom and that must be nice
if you’re a look into my future then I don’t know what to think it doesn’t necessarily get better because nothing goes away but you seem to cope better or present better I don’t know what could I know? I’m not you it doesn’t matter how alike we are I might not even make it to your age a higher dosage you say? well maybe why not? can’t say I’ve tried everything until I’ve done it all I’m so tired of trying it’s exhausting all the thoughts running in my head on a loop never ending never running out like poisoned fish and loaves I’m always hungry and overfed and tired so tired haven’t I already made that point? stop me stop life I’m afraid to die afraid if there’s nothing more afraid if there’s only pain never ending on a loop but how would that be different? exactly we all make our own hell on earth
it happens in phases first they’ll pretend to be your friend and they’ll compliment you and flatter you so that you let your guard down until they peel back enough layers that they find the pink in your flesh then they bite and they rip and they smile as they pick your skin out of their teeth and they ask you what’s wrong? and you give them a cup of your blood to drink then your skeleton stiffens and you claw free there’s some back and forth an apology with far too many “you” words and things seem temporarily normal before the chaos leaks back in insanity repeats itself but now new phases are slowly introduced the compliments return but strictly in front of those jealous of you insincere or not (though they are) it makes no difference they’ll ensure you have no real allies while they praise your work ethic and tell you how nice your hair looks when you can’t remember the last time you washed it they’ll seek out whoever remains in your corner and try to turn you against them since their other tactics didn’t work on everyone they’ll work to obliterate every lifeline and they’ll wait until you have no one left to stop the phase of insincere compliments they’ll tear you down both behind your back and in front of everyone they’ll diminish every accomplishment of yours and your one defense is being better than them in everything you think, say, and do and let your work speak for itself because it won’t even be a comparison after they’ve spent all their energy on you instead of channeling their energy towards improving themselves
Fudge It! 