sometimes I feel dizzy and I wonder is this what drugs feel like? and I close my eyes and enjoy it for a second while the world keeps on moving without me but I know that really it’s just my internal valve wound too tight building up the pressure in my soon-to-burst purple veins
pop a pill in my mouth and watch a universe explode into existence the tiny capsule a spark before the bang only for the light to die once all the serotonin drains from my body
I let the bananas go black the other day it wasn’t on purpose I don’t like watching things die I just couldn’t help them I wasn’t hungry I couldn’t help them achieve their purpose why am I here?
I don’t feel good but I don’t mean like that I feel bad I feel sad I am wrong in the head I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel but I know I shouldn’t feel like this are you okay? you might ask me and I might say I am or I might tell you the truth and tell you that I’m good enough because that’s the best I can hope for right now it’s like I tasted heaven but I wasn’t really there I simply passed by the gate because I lost the key that was chained to my neck and now it’s in Peter’s hand and he refuses to let go
you said it makes you anxious the idea of living a normal life where you settle down and have two kids but is it possible that a not-normal life doesn’t scare you a not-normal life is just full of enough noise to drown out all the thoughts and distract from all the fears so that there’s no time left to think or to feel
I lost my heart but then you found it tangled in the weeds I once called civility but I now know by a different name I lost my mind it’s funny how the ones who make you crazy convince you the rest of the world is insane it’s funny except no one is laughing but me because it feels so strange to think with such clarity and such calm you are my life-giving ocean washing over me keeping me safe and warm and smooth like a piece of broken glass made into something beautiful after being worn down by the waves you’ve made me a heathen in the most civil and wild way there is to be because I’ve become me and I am free
it’s like suddenly I took this magic pill and I was given the gift of reason and all my fears seemed to disappear my anxieties subsided or at least they were dulled out beneath the surface the layer of fog on top of all my other emotions became lifted suddenly I could feel everything I was supposed to feel everything that was numbed out and only came alive in the worst way when I was in pain when I was alone but now the apathy has come crawling back with a vengeance and I don’t even know if I would call it a sadness because I have nothing to blame it on and the only people who understand who feel the same way and go through the same thing don’t know what to do either they tell me what I already know so that I know I’m not alone but there’s no answer there’s no solution anyone can give me and I’ve run out of ways to express myself when he asks me what is wrong? because the answer is honestly nothing I just don’t feel right I don’t feel like myself and sometimes I don’t even know who that’s supposed to be
sometimes I look at my plants and I think if you don’t make it I won’t make it either and then I think when I die who will water you? we are symbiotic
your chest is the earth my fingers are the roots your breath is the air my mouth is the ocean your cells are the creatures and my hair is the jungle we create our own world in our bed, the universe
you make my body relax when you touch me you give my body goose bumps down my right thigh when you kiss me on the neck and hold my hair at the nape of my head I love it when you touch me
Fudge It! 