pop: A Poem

pop
     pop
           pop

watch my teeth
drop
       down
                brown from my skull

pop
     pop
           there goes my vein

arteries
             arteries
                           lead to the brain

sick
      flick
             flick my wrist pink

pink is better than red
red is better than dead

busy
       body
              journal
                           bleeding

I 
 think
          I'll
              fly
                  away
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

unique: A Poem

 you weren’t born broken like the rest of us
 you weren’t even made broken
 you’re just you 
 bitten off whole
 from your mother’s broken womb
  
 we are all made who we are by our mothers
 either because of them
 or in spite of them
 but you came out whole
 and you picked up her pieces
 even though it wasn’t your job
 and no one expected it
  
 now I’m yours
 and you fill in all the missing pieces
 but I don’t want you to fix me
 you’ve already done that enough
  
 now it’s your turn
 to be the taker
 I need to fix myself
 so I can give my all to you 

Photo by Oleg Magni on Pexels.com

rereading: A Poem

 rereading what I write
 is like reading the words of a stranger
  
 I don’t know her
 I am her
 I am who am
  
 the god of my brain
 with no self-control
 what 
 so 
 ever
  
 and it makes the acids in my stomach sour
 the back of my mouth closes
 it’s hard to swallow
  
 labored breathing
 labor pains
 as I realize who I am
 my chest swells
 too tight
 I am drowning
 in blankets
 I can’t swallow
  
  
 breathe in
 not enough comes out
 acid burns
 turning
 like tiny tidal waves
 rolling
 over dead
  
 how could I have ever felt this way?
 I don’t understand people
 who feel the need to find themselves
  
 who am I?
 I’ve always known
 never looked 
 I don’t know
  
 how did I ever feel
 the way I felt yesterday?
 how did I ever feel
 the way I felt tomorrow?
  
 could I ever have been
 so sad
 really 
 when I feel so happy now?
  
 but that happiness
 is really relief
  
 I better believe it now
   
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

on lying: A Poem

 growing up
 my mother used to tell me
 during her more lucid moments
 of motherhood
 that people who lie often 
 lie enough that they believe themselves
 and I used to think that wasn’t true
 like 
 how could that be possible
 when surely
 we all live in the same reality?
 but the older I get
 the more I realize
 she was right
 and maybe in that strange way
 she knew herself
 the way we all eventually understand ourselves  

Photo by Bess Hamiti on Pexels.com

finding: A Poem

 there’s the core
 and then there’s everything else
 a lot of pointless details and fluff
 that lead to nowhere
 and everywhere I am lost
  
 you bring me out of myself
 each and every moment that I’m with you
 and even when I’m not
 I’m starting to understand  
 you’re truly my better half
 but it feels like I’ve always known that
 on some level
 deep down
 buried beneath the unimportant fluff
  
 you’re always enough
 even when I’m drowning and my voice is cut off
 you see me
 and even when you don’t understand what you see
 not because you don’t want to
 but because you cannot
 you still love me
  
 you say you fall in love with me more
 each and every day
 and I believe you
 because I know the feeling
 but sometimes I feel sad thinking
 there was ever a day I could have loved you less
 because no one can love what one does not know
  
 but then I remember
 you’re my better half
 and somehow
 in a way that words cannot explain
 you were always there
  
 you’ve always made up the parts of me I love
 and now that we are one
 you are every part of me 

Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com