Throwback Thursday: 5 Previously Published Poems 2/25/2021

Below are five poems that I have previously published on this blog, along with my interpretation of each poem.

wallflower

you have to make them  
make room for you  
or you'll never learn  
how to fly 

You deserve a seat at the table. Don’t wait for others to make space for you. You need to make room for yourself because you deserve it, and you deserve it now. You are enough, and you deserve to be accepted. Once you realize this, you will excel immensely.

Photo by Adrianna Calvo on Pexels.com

mothers and sisters

I find myself constantly searching  
for mothers and sisters in the women around me  
and being let down all over again  
when the wires don’t connect  
it’s hard  being disappointed by family 

I’m someone who is always looking for mother-figures and sister-figures in my life. I grew up in a male-dominant household, so from a young age I’ve craved the guidance of female role models. Much like a child, I look at these role models through rose-colored glasses. Conversely, unlike a child, I am mature enough to recognize when these women don’t live up to the unrealistic standard I have set for them. Therefore, I set myself up for disappointment when the women I view as my mothers and sisters can’t fulfill my emotional needs.

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

meditation

 close your eyes  
until you bleed out roots of light  
and sink into the earth  
and fall asleep 

I began practicing meditation to deal with my anxiety and depression. When I practice visualization techniques during meditation, I like to envision light that sparks from the center of my body and moves outward in the form of roots. When I become especially relaxed through meditation, I sleep incredibly well.

Photo by Sam Kolder on Pexels.com

your thoughts

my thoughts are not bad  
just because you don’t like them  
and your god doesn’t like them  
my god  
likes me enough  
just fine  
just the way I am  
who are  
you 
to tell me differently? 

Your thoughts aren’t bad, even if you don’t like them; even if they can be unpleasant, sometimes. You and your whole self need to love who you are, no matter what others think of you.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

universe

your chest is the earth 
your fingers are the roots 

your breath is the air 
your mouth is the ocean 

your cells are the creatures 
and your hair is the jungle   

you create our own world 
your very own universe

I wrote this about my Significant Other. He is my whole world; every part of him is a part of that world. We’re creating our life together, and I love it.

Photo by Tobias Bju00f8rkli on Pexels.com

Quotes from Bojack Horseman that Portray Depression Well

Bojack Horseman will forever have a special place in my heart. He's far from perfect, but so am I and and so is everybody. 

As someone with Major Depressive Disorder, I appreciate BH's profoundly accurate portrayal of depression. For me personally, I feel as though the following quotes shed light on feelings and experiences that I don't know how to put into words. Some of these quotes will hit a little differently if you understand the context from the show. But if you've never watched BH, they're still worth the read. 

Please enjoy some quotes from my favorite show of all time. (And watch it on Netflix!) 

  • “But this is it, the deed is done
    silence drowns the sound.
    Before I leaped I should have seen
    the view from halfway down.”
  • “There is no other side.”
  • “Nothing on the outside, nothing on the inside.”
  • “Life’s a bitch and then you die, right?”
  • “Sometimes, life’s a bitch and then you keep living.”
  • I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.
  • “He’s so stupid. He doesn’t realize how miserable he should be.”
  • “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
  • “Same thing that always happens. You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now, you know me.”
  • I need to go take a shower so I can’t tell if I’m crying or not.
  • “I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast!”
  • “I can’t say no to people because I want everyone to like me.”
  • You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it’s all gone. And I’ll never get it back in me.
  • “I spend a lot of time with the real me and believe me, nobody’s gonna love that guy.”
  • “When we know what we know about a monster like that and we still put him on TV every week, we’re teaching a generation of young boys and girls that a man’s reputation is more important than the lives of women he’s ruined.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • That voice, the one that tells you you’re worthless and stupid and ugly, it goes away, right?
  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”
  • “I’m punishing you for being alive.”
  • “The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn’t the search for meaning; it’s just to keep yourself busy unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you’ll be dead.”
  • “I’ve had a lot of what I thought were rock bottoms, only to discover another, rockier bottom underneath.”
  • You were born broken. That’s your birthright. And now you can fill your life with projects – you books, and your movies, and your little girlfriends, but that won’t make you whole. You’re Bojack Horseman. There’s no cure for that.”
  • “One day you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you. But nobody likes you. And that’s the loneliest feeling in the world.”
  • “Nobody gives a damn what you feel! You’ve got an audience out there, and they want to hear you sing.”
  • “You better grow up in to something great, to make up for all the damage you’ve done.”
  • “I hope you die before I do, so you never have to know what it’s like to lose a mother.”
  • “Don’t you dare cry. Don’t you ever cry! You wanted this.”
  • “You think you want this but you don’t. Not like this.”