this room used to feel bigger when you were in it
 I missed you at the time
 but I miss you even more now that you’re back
 your laugh has become toxic
 your humor snide
 who would have thought then
 that you’d be full of such pride?
 such shit?
 you’re legit
 on my final nerve ending
 and I just killed the last cell in my brain
 that cared about you
 and about what you think
 but if that were true
 then this all wouldn’t hurt so much
 would it? 

 maybe I’ll get bored
 and write some poetry on the shitter
 that might feel good 

 I only feel together 
 when
 I’m tearing myself
 apart
 that’s a life of hypocrisy  

 I can like you as a person
 and hold you at a distance
 let me set my intention
 I don’t need your permission
 I don’t need you
 I don’t mean that
 don’t cross me
 don’t leave me
 did you ever love me?
 do you love me now?
 do you even like me?
 it’s all unknowable  

 maybe if I keep writing
 I’ll find her again
 only a fool wouldn’t try  

 people say the devil has a sharp tongue
 well maybe
 the devil is just a woman with wit
 that sharpens the sword of her tongue
 and writes with a crystal ball point pen
 that must be what they thought in Salem
 when witchcraft was a more reasonable excuse
 than god creating woman with a brain
 when all she came from
 was the rib of Adam
 written by man  

 at least
 if you have split personalities
 you’re never lonely 

 sometimes it feels like I’m stranded
 sometimes it feels like I’m drowning
 and sometimes
 it feels like both all at once
 with varying severities
  
 oh
 sorry
 what was the question?
 I’m fine
 thanks for asking