it used to make me sad:
wondering if we’d be married in heaven
wondering if our love could be so special
that it would be allowed to last forever
and at the time I would often wonder
will I even go to heaven?
how presumptuous of me
what if you go there
and I cannot follow?
and now there are some days
I wonder if I even believe in god at all
but I always believe in you
and I guess you’re a good enough answer
to every question
you know how some people can tie a cherry stem
into a knot inside their mouth?
that’s how my insides feel
when I see you
but you don’t see me
tying the knots
Below are five poems that I have previously published on this blog, along with my interpretation of each poem.
wallflower
you have to make them
make room for you
or you'll never learn
how to fly
You deserve a seat at the table. Don’t wait for others to make space for you. You need to make room for yourself because you deserve it, and you deserve it now. You are enough, and you deserve to be accepted. Once you realize this, you will excel immensely.
I find myself constantly searching
for mothers and sisters in the women around me
and being let down all over again
when the wires don’t connect
it’s hard being disappointed by family
I’m someone who is always looking for mother-figures and sister-figures in my life. I grew up in a male-dominant household, so from a young age I’ve craved the guidance of female role models. Much like a child, I look at these role models through rose-colored glasses. Conversely, unlike a child, I am mature enough to recognize when these women don’t live up to the unrealistic standard I have set for them. Therefore, I set myself up for disappointment when the women I view as my mothers and sisters can’t fulfill my emotional needs.
close your eyes
until you bleed out roots of light
and sink into the earth
and fall asleep
I began practicing meditation to deal with my anxiety and depression. When I practice visualization techniques during meditation, I like to envision light that sparks from the center of my body and moves outward in the form of roots. When I become especially relaxed through meditation, I sleep incredibly well.
my thoughts are not bad
just because you don’t like them
and your god doesn’t like them
my god
likes me enough
just fine
just the way I am
who are
you
to tell me differently?
Your thoughts aren’t bad, even if you don’t like them; even if they can be unpleasant, sometimes. You and your whole self need to love who you are, no matter what others think of you.
your chest is the earth
your fingers are the roots
your breath is the air
your mouth is the ocean
your cells are the creatures
and your hair is the jungle
you create our own world
your very own universe
I wrote this about my Significant Other. He is my whole world; every part of him is a part of that world. We’re creating our life together, and I love it.
I ate the fruit just because it was forbidden
my spine is steel
my tears are oceans
my mouth is outer space
swallow me to feel big
cut me open and watch
as my blood and water pours out for you
my brain is god’s gift to my mad self