what a radical woman
 to think 

 you taught her to talk less
 better seen and not heard
 you went so far as to tell her
 that people would take her more seriously
 if she spoke less
 because it would imply that any time she does talk
 it must be important
 for her to break her silence
 it’s always the quiet ones
 who are perceived as smart
 and as having things worth saying
 yet somehow
 ever since you’ve told her this
 the pen hasn’t left her hand 

I can eat you for breakfast
 and still be grossed out
 to find you in my toilet 

nothing in this world is free
 especially if you have nice tits  

 it happens in phases
 first they’ll pretend to be your friend
 and they’ll compliment you
 and flatter you
 so that you let your guard down
 until they peel back enough layers
 that they find the pink in your flesh 
 then they bite
 and they rip
 and they smile
 as they pick your skin out of their teeth
 and they ask you
 what’s wrong?
 and you give them a cup of your blood to drink 
 then your skeleton stiffens 
 and you claw free
 there’s some back and forth
 an apology with far too many “you” words
 and things seem temporarily normal 
 before the chaos leaks back in 
 insanity repeats itself
 but now new phases are slowly introduced
 the compliments return
 but strictly in front of those jealous of you
 insincere or not
 (though they are)
 it makes no difference
 they’ll ensure you have no real allies
 while they praise your work ethic 
 and tell you how nice your hair looks
 when you can’t remember the last time you washed it
 they’ll seek out whoever remains in your corner
 and try to turn you against them
 since their other tactics didn’t work on everyone
 they’ll work to obliterate every lifeline
 and they’ll wait until you have no one left
 to stop the phase of insincere compliments
 they’ll tear you down 
 both behind your back and in front of everyone
 they’ll diminish every accomplishment of yours
 and your one defense
 is being better than them in everything you
 think, say, and do
 and let your work speak for itself
 because it won’t even be a comparison 
 after they’ve spent all their energy on you
 instead of channeling their energy
 towards improving themselves  

 I just feel like
 I must fill the pauses in my speech 
 with filler phrases
 for fear of losing a hand 
 in the conversation 

 it must be nice being a man
 and being perceived as powerful
 until proven otherwise
 vs. being a woman
 and being perceived as weak
 until we pluck the eyes of our enemies  

I don’t want to be a palpable woman
 I want you to 
 choke 
 on my thoughts
 because they’re important
 and deserve time to go down 
 slowly
 and digest in your system
 before you spit back at me
 that I’m bossy
 and sassy
 and moody
 and just a girl
 in a corporate office 
 younger than you
 yet excelling in everything I touch
 I hate that I’m hated for being strong and
 confident
 I don’t fish for compliments
 or flatter my boss into liking me
 by pretending to like her
 I won’t make myself easy to swallow 

they call you a bitch
 because you’re not weak
 because it scares them
 that you’re unbreakable glass 

I used to think 
 the people who thought pain was beautiful 
 were fucked in the head 
 but now I know
 they were just looking in a mirror
 and they wanted to actually like what they saw 
  
 we all want to like ourselves