it’s too much
 let my teeth rot
 and my body go unwashed
 and my hair stay greasy 
 my clothes are scattered on the floor
  
 if I sound funny to you
 then you’re not my audience
 go away
 I’m too much for you  

 my husband
 loves me
 the way
 I wish
 I could
 love myself 

 you taught me to talk less
 better seen and not heard
 you went so far as to tell me
 that people would take me more seriously
 if I spoke less
 because it would imply that any time I do talk
 it must be important
 for me to break my silence
 it’s always the quiet ones
 who are perceived as smart
 and as having things worth saying
 yet somehow
 ever since you’ve told me this
 my pen hasn’t left my hand

 I could eat you for breakfast
 and still be grossed out
 to find you in my toilet 

 what if
 all this time
 we were wrong about the concept of sin?
 what if
 there are only good people
 bad people
 and a lot of in-between people?
 and what if
 most people can’t tell the type they are?
 there’s no use in labeling everything inaccurately
 live life
 as it is natural to you 

 I think I’m so angry now
 because I used to not understand the sin of wrath
 I thought god was the only exception 
 like only his anger could be justified
 and now that I know better
 I have a lot of anger to feel
 to make up for many numb and submissive years 

 your frown
 turns mine upside down
 you insignificant
 little man 

 if you’re a woman who says it’s easier
 to have daughters than sons
 let me ask you something
  
 is it easier to teach a woman how not to be raped
 than to teach a man
 how to not rape?
  
 I suppose the most difficult medicine to swallow
 is one’s own pride 
 and it doesn’t help
 if the rest of the world won’t help you
  
 and either way
 the loss of innocence is difficult to grieve 
 but one of those situations
 only acknowledges one’s loss of innocence
  
 some mothers care more about their own healing
 than the healing of their daughters 
 but in the end it feels like there’s nothing to fix
 if you can’t see what’s broken
  
 if you’re a woman who says it’s easier
 to have daughters than sons
 I hate you
 but probably not as much as you hate yourself 

 they profit
 off of everyone’s natural fear of death
 then heighten it 
 to an unnatural degree  

 think of your body as a voodoo doll for me
 you need to take care of yourself
 so you can care for me